These Are The Things I Can't Fucking Remember Lyrics
These Are The Things I Can’t Fucking Remember
by Katie Goodman and Soren Kisiel
copyright 2008
C-F-Dm-G
Am-F-G-G
I thought I’d bought a new toothbrush
I could swear I remember buying it, I think it was pink
But then my husband walks in while I’m brushing my teeth
And says
Why was I using the toothbrush we keep to scrub the bathroom sink?
C-F-Dm-G
These are the things, that I
Can’t fucking remember.
These are the things, that I
Can’t fucking recall.
Dm-G-Dm-G
Where’d I park my car?
What did I eat last night that went right through me?
Why can’t I remember to bring in my canvas shopping bags?
And which are the Shiites and which are the Sunnis?
C-F-Dm-G
These are the things, that I
Can’t fucking remember.
These are the things, that I
Just can’t recall.
Dm-G-Dm-G
Which is the good cholesterol?
And which is the bad?
And where’d I leave my cell phone? …Oh yeah. Shit.
That’s the fourth one I’ve had!
Am-G- Dm- C- G
Gm- G#dim – Am
The name of my hair dye shade,
I have four boxes I’ll never use and I’m
Tellin’ ya the sad part is I buy
The same wrong shade every time.
C-F-Dm-G
These are the things, that I
Can’t fucking remember.
These are the things that my
40-year-old brain just can’t recall
F-G-F-G
What time does my plane get in?
And did I tell my Mom when my plane gets in?
And did I already check in?
And where’d I put that paper with my confirmation number?
And if I don’t have my confirmation number then I need my frequent flyer number.
I mean who the fuck knows their frequent flyer number?!
If they care that I’m a frequent flyer then why don’t they know my fucking number?
I mean how do they expect me to know my number,
when I can’t even remember if I put in a tampon or not!?
Am-G- Dm- C- G
Am-G- Dm- C- G
One time I went to change my tampon
And I found two
Okay, that was over the line and now
I’ve lost you….
C-F-Dm-G
These are the things, that I
Can’t fucking remember.
These are the things, that I
Can’t fucking recall.
F-G-F-G
And I… And I… Um… And I… I-yi-yi-yi-yiii-
C-F-Dm-G
These are the things, that I
Can’t fucking remember.
Come on come on come on!
(Audience repeat)
These are the things, that I
Can’t fucking recall.
C-F-Dm-G
These are the things, that I
Can’t fucking remember.
These are the things, that I--
Wait! Wait! Oh shit! Guys! Did we do this song already? Shit.